Just A Ranking…You’re Welcome!

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August 26, 2016

If looking at the photo of the Von Trapp kids lured you into reading this post, I’m sorry.  I just know that telegenic singing families are easy click bait.

Some weeks you just don’t have any inspiration to write 800 plus words describing you’re skewed look at everyday life as a parent of twin toddlers.  And as always, looking myself in the mirror and honestly assessing my ability to write entertaining content never seems as appealing as just blaming the kids for not giving me enough to work with.   So, you have them to thank for my just going straight to the rankings in a week where my biggest daily accomplishment was successfully getting shoes on a 15 month old child.

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(For months I’ve been wondering what Arthur and Charles would look like if they went to a Jimmy Buffet concert and now the mystery has been solved)

Least Favorite Child Results

August 20 – Least Favorite is Arthur.  I usually draw the duty of changing the boys right before bed time and I’ve realized that Arthur regularly clocks in his last poop of the day around 8:15pm.  This means I end every day by dealing with a smelly turd.  Way to put a pretty ribbon on the gift of every day we’re given, Art!

August 21 – Least Favorite is Charles.  I’m just being honest.  Charles can be a little bitchy.  He doesn’t have resting bitch face, either.  He has a very active bitch face that lets you know, you’ve displeased him and fallen well below his expectations.  Get used to it, Charles.  I’ve disappointed many people in my day and if taking away the computer mouse you’re smashing over the dog’s head doesn’t meet with your favor, you’re just another feather in my cap of people I’ve let down.

August 22 – Least Favorite is Charles. One of the staples of the morning routine is giving the boys a gummy vitamin.  Charles promptly puts it in his mouth and less promptly spits it out quietly in random areas around the house.  I’m sad to inform you that there’s no way to gracefully receive the news from a co-worker that you have a gummy vitamin stuck to your ass.

August 23 – Least Favorite is Charles. Here’s some advice for you Charles…if you’d rather not eat what’s being offered simply utter, “No thanks.”  I know for a fact you know both those words so you don’t have to resort to punching the spoon and its contents back at me.  Again, he’s the bitchy one.

August 24 – Least Favorite is Arthur.  I have a dog who sheds a lot.  There’s a lot of hair in my house and Arthur must think it’s light brown cotton candy.  I spend far too much time vigilantly watching what Arthur’s putting in his mouth when I could just vacuum once every day.

August 25 – Least Favorite is Charles. My wife has taken away our morning TV because Charles is too hooked on it.  It’s like the When A Man Loves A Woman with Meg Ryan and Andy Garcia.  His addiction is now devastating ALL of us!! Quite frankly my wife should be Least Favorite for her wielding her cruel power, but she reads this blog occasionally and she scares me.

Least Favorite Child Year One – Charles

Total Days As Least Favorite Child – Year Two

Arthur – 46

Charles – 41

Days since Neil Patrick Harris received my post and hasn’t responded – 382

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1 thought on “Just A Ranking…You’re Welcome!”

  1. This is the first blog post of yours I have stumbled upon. I’m tuning in from now on to stay up to date on the least favorite child.

    Liked by 1 person

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