April 1, 2016
Months ago I wrote about how I loved to judge others and felt it was my responsibility to pass this skill on to my sons. The judging I wrote about back then focused on people we run into in our day to day lives. But with the advent of social media, who do we actually run into physically anymore. That’s the wonderful thing about Facebook and other outlets. We can now judge others without having to leave the comfort of our homes. So, I’ll begin with a brief tutorial for my boys on how to judge others on Facebook.
The types of people I mention here are merely scratching the surface. I don’t want to do all the work for Arthur and Charles. Just merely call out a few to get the ball rolling so they can figure out how to make their own judgements. I want them to be just as judgy as me, but I don’t want to confine their judgements so they are just parroting mine.
The Person Who Posts The Popular Viral Video A Month After Everyone Else
Someone in my feed posted the two escaped llamas video last week with the update, “Have you seen this? Hilarious!” Let’s just judge how connected this person is to others in general. If they’re just finding the two llamas viral video now, odds are they’re the strange one at work. Probably works in data entry. Probably cooks fish occasionally in the work kitchen microwave but no one says anything directly to him because that would involve a face to face conversation and the last time that happened he talked about how he always wanted to be a geologist for an hour. You’ve been judged!
The Inspirational Meme Poster
These people are usually devoid of any real substance. That’s why they’re using someone else words instead of their own. Quite often the people who post these are just days or weeks away from having a complete nervous breakdown so it’s a good idea to keep your eye on their Facebook account. There are very few things more enjoyable than watching someone steadily meltdown on social media. Odds are they’ve binged watch Fuller House and eaten a half gallon of Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip before posting their meme with a single tear running down their cheek. You’ve been judged!
The Person Who Posts, “Making Muffins, Mmmmm!”
Not unlike the inspirational meme poster, this person might very close to a total meltdown. They might also be one of those people who makes you wonder of they had a lobotomy. They have very likely settled in the town they grew up in and spend a lot of time wishing they could get the old high school gang back together for a wild night out even though they weren’t very popular in high school. Judged.
The Ambiguous Poster
“Feeling sad.” “People suck.” “Please say a prayer for me today.” All common updates from the ambiguous poster. Talk about NEEDY. They’re pretending that they don’t want to share when it’s clear they’re desperate for people to private message them asking, What’s wrong!”? If you can’t get specific in yours posts don’t drag me into having to go the extra mile to find out that someone didn’t invite you to some after work social event because, like the person who is posting viral videos months after they first came out, you made fish in the office kitchen. Judged!
People Who Posts Their Blogs
I’m not immune from my own judgement. Let’s face it, if we’re asking people to read our thoughts we clearly have a self inflated ego that makes us think what we have to say is worthy of people’s time. Is anyone’s day so totally stark and devoid of interest that this blog is going to add a moment of levity or enlightenment? I can see that I’ve already reached the 650 word count of this blog and feel like apologizing to anyone who has invested their time. Although another part of me is realizes I’m really fishing for a complimt in my tragically insecure way. How sad. You (I’ve) been judged!!
The Achievement Posters
Congratulations on your great test score, the audition you nailed, or rate of inflation raise you received after a wonderful performance review. Some of us aren’t achieving anything day to day and quite frankly, neither are you. Tell the person next to you about it. No one there? It’s because they’re sick of hearing you talk about yourself. I work in TV. I see these posts on a constant basis. You’d vomit in your mouth if you saw all the people patting themselves on the back when the Daytime Emmy Nominations are announced and some show they are overworked and underpaid on gets a nomination for Best Afternoon Court Show. Judged!
While were at it a few last quick judgements
- If you are in every single photo you post on Facebook, you’re way too self involved.
- If you aren’t in a single Facebook photo you post, we’ve figured out your fat.
Ok, that should get the ball rolling for my Boys and satisfies my daily need to feel superior to others in a very inferior way.
Least favorite Child Results
March 26 – Least Favorite is Charles. Charles know that the easiest path to Least Favorite is making acrobatic moves during a diaper change. On this day he nailed the floor routine while managing to spread poop over all of us. He doesn’t mind. It’s his poop.
March 27 – Least Favorite is Charles. We went someone where nice for Easter as guests of good friends. Charles expressed his gratitude with a lot of random tears.
(Arthur clearly appreciates the country club vibe more than his brother)
March 28 – Least Favorite is Arthur. Arthur knows that another easy path to Least Favorite status is randomly screaming in the night. He’s too young for night terrors so he is clearly being a jerk.
March 29 – Least Favorite is Charles. Our Boys don’t get seriously sick but they get a lot of colds, which they also pass on to their parents. I realize that I’m in the early stages of a four year cold. It always starts with Charles. He’s the monkey in the movie Outbreak.
March 30 – Least Favorite is Arthur. Charles is still going through a Daddy phase which is flattering. Arthur is going through a phase of complete apathy. Less flattering.
March 31 – Least Favorite is Charles. My arm hurts from holding these boys while feeding them at night. Charles is two pounds heavier than is brother making him more of a problem.
Total Days As Least Favorite Child
Charles – 124
Arthur – 113
Days Tied – 1
Days since Neil Patrick Harris received my post and hasn’t responded – 241
Laura (PA Pict) said:
I have encountered all of those types of posters just on a brief stint on Facebook today and, yes indeed, I judged them all and scrolled right not past.
LikeLike
stephenmhurley said:
Good for you, Laura! You are a kindred spirit.
LikeLiked by 1 person
melissajanisin said:
My favorite recent FB post – “So-and-so …. Checked in to West Etc. Hospital.” End of post. I ignored it.
LikeLike
stephenmhurley said:
They were probably have a skin tag removed.
LikeLike
Andrew Krehbiel said:
It would be fun to see what judgments Charles and Arthur have and see if some of their judgments match up with yours.
LikeLike
Kirsten P. Haas said:
I love reading your blog! I laugh out loud every single time I read it. It is so refreshing to read the thoughts of a parent who clearly loves being one but also has a sense of humor about raising kids. Of course, I don’t have kids so maybe I’m not qualified to judge…shit, of course I am!
LikeLike
stephenmhurley said:
That’s the beauty of judging, Kirsten. We can all do it! And you don’t need kids to judge them or parents. Have at it!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: Teaching My Sons To Judge Others: Vol 2 – Facebook — My Least Favorite Child Today – serpilersağ
FofoFl'or said:
hehehe i plead guilty but i kinda do all of them, the blogging, the whining, the inspiration i mix them all..
LikeLike
nicki339 said:
I love judging fb users. My favorite type to judge is the chronic selfie taker. They obviously have no friends… If they did, they’d have pictures of themselves with others. But, no… It’s just them and that lame duck face or 5 miles of boob so someone will compliment. Judged. Word.
#NeilPatrickHarrispleasesayhi
LikeLike
Todd Duffey Writes on Things said:
According to this post, I’m fat, and I’m a meltdown blogger. I’ll take that badge with honor (and probably post it)! And while it seems Charles was the winner at least favorite this week, just in terms of material, he’s head and shoulders above Arthur. Rock on, Chuck! Do the poo!
LikeLike
stephenmhurley said:
Duff, I know better. Someone like you can never be accurately judged by such simple means. There are many layers to the onion that is “you.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
That Shameless Hussy said:
You better back off on those assumptions about data entry people, mister funny blogger guy! I am VERY interesting and relevant and sometimes I make fish AND popcorn in the microwave just because I like it and I have conversations with actual people All. The. Time.
LikeLiked by 2 people
stephenmhurley said:
Shameless, you know that’s the beauty of this type of shallow judging. It’s so seldom on the nose and in your case couldn’t be further from the truth.
LikeLike
That Shameless Hussy said:
This counts as a conversation with an actual person, right? 😉 🙂
LikeLike
apprehensively expecting said:
Really? Your feed has *brief* ambiguous status updates? The people I encounter leave vague paragraphs vividly describing what a hurtful douche someone is in the most passive aggressive way possible. Every time these people post I consider removing them from my feed, but it’s like a bad accident, and I can’t look away. Some of the updates are REALLY something…involving all sorts of shenanigans pertaining to sexual indiscretions, substance use and abuse, and other things that would make people cough uncomfortably at a party mixer. I would think they were making up their lives to be more exciting than they are if it weren’t for the fact that it is painfully awkward to read.
I’m also the fan of the random partially nude body shots accompanied by a request for praise for a work-out well done. I guess I don’t have to ask if the writer has a significant other who could fulfill the sentiment.
My final favorite are the political posts and articles that clearly promote blatantly false information if the individual took the time to fact check…anything…hell, I’m sure Wikipedia would do the job for them.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aidan not Aiden said:
I know at least one of each of those, except for the first one. I am the first one, even down to being the strange person at work (where I do, in fact, do data entry). I don’t cook fish in the break room microwave though. I’m not a complete monster.
LikeLiked by 1 person
apprehensively expecting said:
What about burning popcorn?
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aidan not Aiden said:
I have never done this, but some other asshole did. My microwave use is limited to reheating spaghetti and occasionally hot chocolate.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Pingback: Teaching My Sons To Judge Others: Vol 2 – Facebook — My Least Favorite Child Today – getwaytk
arya sentosa ari said:
Oke
LikeLike
Pingback: Teaching My Sons To Judge Others: Vol 2 – Facebook — My Least Favorite Child Today – WINERED458312
berolahragageneral2 said:
very good post, good job
LikeLiked by 1 person
Trials of Testimony said:
I love the concept of not hiding that we judge others PARTICULARLY on facebook. This is genius…i must teach my 3 teens immediately!
LikeLiked by 1 person