March 25, 2016
I don’t have much to offer for today’s post. I could blame myself for my lack of creativity but I’d rather blame the Boys. After going to the writing well for almost 80 posts, I came up dry this week and it’s pretty clear they’ve given me nothing new to work with.
(You’d think from this photo I would have gotten some great post ideas while shopping with the boys. They gave me nothing. Just behaved like perfect gentleman)
There was only one thing of note that occurred this week. I’m starting to find stuff in their diapers. I remember over a month ago looking for Charles’ pacifier for what seemed like an hour and eventually commenting to my wife that the only place I hadn’t looked was up his ass. On Monday when I changed his diaper I found a pacifier. Who knew that my search parameters for finding stuff would spread this far? And what are the odds my wife’s iPhone, which she loses 10-12 times a day, winds up in there in the not to distant future?
Over the past few days changing their diaper has became an exercise in curiosity wondering what I’ll find in there…but in a different way. Two nights ago I found little bits of hot dog and a half a dozen cheerios in Charles’ diaper and just Cheerios in Arthur’s. Is this stuff falling into their diaper or are they saving it for a late night snack in their cribs? I like their initiative. “If you won’t give us pockets we make our own, Goddamnit!”
(Thanks for the pizza! I’ll eat one now and take one for later.)
Part of me wants to walk around for a bit with a pacifier in my skivvies to see how uncomfortable it was. And if it wasn’t uncomfortable then I’ve found a new place to keep my keys where I know I won’t lose them.
That’s all I have to say. I’m off to put a grilled cheese sandwich in my underpants to keep it nice and warm for lunchtime.
Least Favorite Child Results
March 19 – Least Favorite is Charles. Arthur finally started crawling, so my wife and I can stop worrying that there’s something wrong with him. Way to use a milestone to calm out fears, Art.
March 20 – Least Favorite is Arthur. We told the pediatrician that Arthur finally started walking. He said it’s not uncommon for some babies to just wait to hit some of these milestones until they want to. In other words, Arthur is pretty lazy. That’s my job, Arthur. I don’t like you gunning for it.
March 21 – Least Favorite is Arthur. It was the usual when Daddy came home from work. Big smile from Charles and a look of ambivalence from Arthur. Meanwhile every time the dog walks in his eye line Arthur acts like Taylor Swift just landed in our living room for a private concert.
March 22 – Least Favorite is Charles. He’s never going to be the favorite on a bath night. Putting him in pajamas after a bath is like a greco roman wrestling match.
March 23 – Least Favorite is Charles. Nine times out of ten, if Charles and Arthur are in the Octagon (their play area) and Arthur is crying, it’s because Charles is either using Arthur as a human plank to get a better view outside the area or he’s trying to take some hair off of his head out of envy that his brother has hair and he doesn’t.
March 24 – Least Favorite is Arthur. And then there’s the tenth time that Arthur is just crying because he’s being an annoyingly delicate flower.
Total Days As Least Favorite Child
Charles – 120
Arthur – 111
Days Tied – 1
Days since Neil Patrick Harris received my post and hasn’t responded – 234
Mare B said:
This may just be the funniest thing I’ve read this month.
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apprehensively expecting said:
There are the benchmarks you wait with baited breath for, and then there are the ones you don’t read about on the internet that just happen unexpectedly, but make you feel like a total ass clown for your monitoring negligence. Did you know that diving into a toilet is a baby/toddler Olympic sport…or it should be because my kid has an innate gift. Then there is just the climbing…on everything…provided it is rickety or presents some other life threatening hazard. Incidentally, just as your kids start tackling these great feats, their cuteness exponentially increases…It’s an evolutionary development; otherwise churches and fire departments would start seeing an influx of adults seeking their help, “No questions asked.”
Finally, and I’m sure you know this, but if you find another pacifier in one of their diapers, you might rethink putting it in your mouth to clean it before giving it back…Some things just aren’t meant to be shared…
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stephenmhurley said:
Had you only given me this advice before my instinct to put the pacifier in my mouth kicked in!
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apprehensively expecting said:
Don’t feel too bad…can’t imagine a store floor is any cleaner… You are just a nicer parent than I am…I’d just let my kids be the proverbial “whipping boy” on that one…
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Todd Duffey Writes on Things said:
I’m sensing they’ve got the skills for a new reality show titled “Infant Survivor.” They have the stockpiling down, as well as an eye for hiding things!
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Ruth2Day said:
hope the cheese sandwich stayed warm 🙂
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Sophia Kohn said:
Hah!!
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Sophia Kohn said:
You must be a good mom!
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Sophia Kohn said:
Reblogged this on Sophia Kohn and commented:
I love this person!!
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Kiwi and Spoon said:
this made me laugh so much! you know, I find, those days when they in your words are being ‘the perfect gentlemen’ – they’re storing up some almighty hard times to throw at you 😉 it’s the calm before the storm, or the reminder of why you must love them, before they sorely test you. Twins – gotta love ’em!
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cheminspuydedome said:
Thank you very much for your funny blog. For once, I have found a way to read (and learn) english and may be raise children.
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thebritishmaple said:
This is fantastic! I also have two man cubs who vary in popularity from day to day! Feel free to use any of these excuses to indulge if needed!!
https://thebritishmaple.wordpress.com/2016/03/31/throw-it-back-thursdays-legitimate-reasons-for-drinking-before-5pm/
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