March 25, 2016
I don’t have much to offer for today’s post. I could blame myself for my lack of creativity but I’d rather blame the Boys. After going to the writing well for almost 80 posts, I came up dry this week and it’s pretty clear they’ve given me nothing new to work with.
(You’d think from this photo I would have gotten some great post ideas while shopping with the boys. They gave me nothing. Just behaved like perfect gentleman)
There was only one thing of note that occurred this week. I’m starting to find stuff in their diapers. I remember over a month ago looking for Charles’ pacifier for what seemed like an hour and eventually commenting to my wife that the only place I hadn’t looked was up his ass. On Monday when I changed his diaper I found a pacifier. Who knew that my search parameters for finding stuff would spread this far? And what are the odds my wife’s iPhone, which she loses 10-12 times a day, winds up in there in the not to distant future?
Over the past few days changing their diaper has became an exercise in curiosity wondering what I’ll find in there…but in a different way. Two nights ago I found little bits of hot dog and a half a dozen cheerios in Charles’ diaper and just Cheerios in Arthur’s. Is this stuff falling into their diaper or are they saving it for a late night snack in their cribs? I like their initiative. “If you won’t give us pockets we make our own, Goddamnit!”
(Thanks for the pizza! I’ll eat one now and take one for later.)
Part of me wants to walk around for a bit with a pacifier in my skivvies to see how uncomfortable it was. And if it wasn’t uncomfortable then I’ve found a new place to keep my keys where I know I won’t lose them.
That’s all I have to say. I’m off to put a grilled cheese sandwich in my underpants to keep it nice and warm for lunchtime.
Least Favorite Child Results
March 19 – Least Favorite is Charles. Arthur finally started crawling, so my wife and I can stop worrying that there’s something wrong with him. Way to use a milestone to calm out fears, Art.
March 20 – Least Favorite is Arthur. We told the pediatrician that Arthur finally started walking. He said it’s not uncommon for some babies to just wait to hit some of these milestones until they want to. In other words, Arthur is pretty lazy. That’s my job, Arthur. I don’t like you gunning for it.
March 21 – Least Favorite is Arthur. It was the usual when Daddy came home from work. Big smile from Charles and a look of ambivalence from Arthur. Meanwhile every time the dog walks in his eye line Arthur acts like Taylor Swift just landed in our living room for a private concert.
March 22 – Least Favorite is Charles. He’s never going to be the favorite on a bath night. Putting him in pajamas after a bath is like a greco roman wrestling match.
March 23 – Least Favorite is Charles. Nine times out of ten, if Charles and Arthur are in the Octagon (their play area) and Arthur is crying, it’s because Charles is either using Arthur as a human plank to get a better view outside the area or he’s trying to take some hair off of his head out of envy that his brother has hair and he doesn’t.
March 24 – Least Favorite is Arthur. And then there’s the tenth time that Arthur is just crying because he’s being an annoyingly delicate flower.
Total Days As Least Favorite Child
Charles – 120
Arthur – 111
Days Tied – 1
Days since Neil Patrick Harris received my post and hasn’t responded – 234