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December 3, 2015

snake-plissken

I’ve always wanted desperately to have a great nickname.  My last name is Hurley and the closest thing I ever got to any nickname was “Hurls.”  Not really a great nickname.  It made me sound like someone who threw up a lot.

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(Have you met my buddy, Hurls?)

I work in Reality TV and have been involved in the production of dozens of shows.  On almost every show I work on I try to find one nice, quiet, unassuming person on the crew and give them the nickname “Duke.”  I figure a name like “Duke” is going to beef up their cred and give them a confidence boost.  I’d like to think that in almost every case the person I designated as “Duke” enjoyed the gig more than the typical job.  I mean who wouldn’t want to wake up early to get to work if people we’re going to greet you with, “Good morning, Duke!” I’m an incredible humanitarian!!

It was also secretly my hope that one day the five or six people I had nicknamed Duke would all wind up working on the same show creating a unique glut of confusion that comes with multiple people having the same awesome nickname.

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(“OK, a delivery for Duke.  I’ll need a last name.”)

I’ve always believed there are huge advantages to having a fantastic nickname.  If someone has one you almost immediately like them and want to hang out with them.  You might find out they’re a douche but not until they’ve already got their foot in the door and isn’t that half the battle?  That’s why I NEED to come up with phenomenal nicknames for the boys.  The earlier I start using them the better the chance they’ll stick.

Here are the top ones I’m considering.

 

Arthur

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Snake – He’s got a lot of attitude and quiet confidence.  He’s a lot like Kurt Russell in Escape From New York.  Would I have to get him an eye patch?

Blade – He’s got sharp finger nails that cause him to scratch himself a lot.  Maybe a cool scar would give this nickname even more credibility!

The Black Panda – I came up with this one this morning on my way into work.  It gave me chills.  Would you ever get into a fight with someone who went by this nickname?  It makes him sound like a husky assassin.  I’m going to sit with this for a few days and see how I feel about it.

The Mayor – This one coveys more of a friendly and wordly type of personality.  The Mayor is the type of guy who drinks with a large group at a bar, pays the bill for everyone secretly and then leaves without saying a word.  Everyone loves the Mayor and Arthur seems like the type of guy who would enjoy getting other people drunk.

 

Charles

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Spoons – This would be a great nickname but only if Charles picks up a musical instrument like the trumpet or drums.  I can see him in a band playing a juke joint when the front man shouts, “And Spoons on the drums!” just before Charles goes into a drum solo.  Spoons would get A LOT of ladies.  A  LOT!!

Viper – It’s a classic and a favorite.  I’m not sure if Charles is brooding enough to pull this name off though.  Viper seems like a man of few words and Charles definitely seem like someone who will wear his heart on his sleeve.

Diablo – I like this nickname because it has urban flair.  Living in Los Angeles there’s a large Latino community.  This nickname would open up a whole new ethnic group to him.  Unless they want to kill him because he’s an incredibly fair skinned guy with the nickname Diablo.

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The Count – Some of the best nicknames are royal titles.  The Count is the person who you hang out with because he knows a guy who knows a guy.  It’s always exciting to spend a night with the Count.  You never know who you’re going to meet!

Of course I’m open to suggestions.  If anyone wants to weigh in with some badass nicknames for my sons I welcome them.  What would you expect from someone who people called “Hurls.”

Least Favorite Child Results

I’ll just say it now.  Charles is going to run away with LFC honors for this past week.  I’ll just write down what time he decided to wake up each morning over the past week and that should say it all.

November 26 – LFC is Charles.  Wake up time: 4:17am

November 27 – LFC is Charles.  Wake up time: 4:32am (thanks for letting me sleep in)

November 28 – LFC is Charles.  Wake up time: 3am-ish.  I was so tired I could only make out a blurry three on my iPhone clock when he decided to start the wake up process.

November 29 – LFC is Charles. Wake up time: 4:11am.  Talk about soaking in some sleep.  Stop spoiling me Charles.

November 30 – LFC is Charles – 3:32am.  Drive time radio guys don’t wake up this early.

December 1 – LFC is Charles – 3:47am.  BTW, 3-4am is prime infomercial time on TV.  Did you know in order to get those great deals you have to “Act now!”

December 2 – LFC is Arthur!  I jumped out of bed to a horrifying noise.  I was sure Winston was in the throws of death with a wild animal who had wandered into the house.  It sounded like a racoon either being slowly devoured or having a loud anxiety attack.  It was neither.  It was Arthur.  He wouldn’t share why he needed to make such a blood curdling noise.  He just continued to make it for another half hour. The memory of that sound now prevents me from ever sleeping so Charles wake up times aren’t as big a deal anymore.

Total Days As Least Favorite Child

Charles – 81

Arthur – 66

Days Tied – 1

Days Since Neil Patrick Harris received my post and hasn’t responded – 129

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