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October 12, 2015

Have you ever heard the saying, “Hard work is it’s own reward,” and thought, what a moronic statement?  There’s also the anonymous jackass who said, “Love your job and you’ll never work a day in your life!”  Whoever said these things clearly was living off a large trust fund.

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Not unlike the majority of the working force I face job stress.  Working in TV Development, if I’m not coming up with a Ballroom Dance Competition that takes place on the Arctic Circle I have bosses that want answers, and rightfully so.  (Note to self.  Pitch Polar Dancers) But is this the life I want for Arthur and Charles?  Of course not.  Stress is a killer.

The whole “love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life” isn’t a very realistic goal.  What Arthur and Charles should really shoot for is a job where they won’t get hassled and they don’t have to think.  God, that sounds good.  I’ve come up with a list of jobs for them to put some serious thought into.  In no time at all they’ll start to develop motor skills and that’s when they can begin training for a career in something relatively mindless and hassle free.

  1. Garbage Man

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This is the perfect gig for Charles and Arthur.  First, they’d get to partner up together!  Secondly, have you seen the Sheen Brothers’ movie, Men at Work?  Those guys had a blast.  They were done with their job in the early afternoon with plenty of time to get into mad cap adventures.  In some cities this is a union gig with great pay.  A lot of parents are trying to get their kids on the list for good pre-schools.  I’m calling up NYC Department of Sanitation and wondering if I can get the Boys on their list for future employment.

2. Barber

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I’m sure working at a Hair Salon is stressful.  Women put a lot of work into their hair and if you screw that up you’ve just lit a stick of emotional dynamite.  The Barber Shop on the other hand is about as stress free as it gets.  Guys don’t care nearly as much about their hair.  I’ve been getting the same haircut since I was 4, and if the barber does a shitty job, I just wear a baseball hat for a week or two. These places get licenses to serve booze, so no one’s going to complain about uneven bangs after a few beers.  It’s also another great job the Boys could do together and even market the place as Hair by The Hurley Boys.

3. Hot Dog Cart Owner

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Not much to say here.  It’s a no-brainer.  Have you ever seen a hot dog guy get chewed out by his boss for not selling enough dogs or get a passive aggressive email from a co-worker?  Nope.  Low overhead and a tasty product.  Just claim the right corner in the right city and you’re all set.

4. Caddie for a Golfer on the Senior Tour

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I had to get specific with this one.  I don’t want the Boys to be caddies for the younger pro golfers.  Golfers like Tiger Woods look like they have tempers and are playing for high stakes.  The older golfers on the other hand make great money, but things are much more laid back.  Caddies get a good cut of their winnings and face much less stress.  Who wouldn’t want to carry around a golf club for elderly men and make a nice buck doing it.  Of course to do this they should start schmoozing great young golfers playing right now.  Not sure how they’ll do this.  That’s why it’s number 4 on the list.

5. 25th Player on a Baseball Team

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OK, this is unrealistic, but a Dad can dream can’t he?  The odds of being a major league baseball player are not good, but if Charles and Arthur can beat them, the best thing for them would to NOT be the star player, but the “Clubhouse Guy.”  That’s what they call the guy on the team who’s not very good, but keeps the clubhouse light and fun.  Imagine playing professional sports without the pressure or stress of having to get a hit in a big situation, or make a play in the field that saves the day?  Just concentrate on hitting players in the face with a shaving cram pie when they’re getting interviewed by the press, giving someone a hot foot or coming up with creative ways to wear ball caps to inspire the good players to win the game.  It was always one of my hopes and now, I’ll pass it on to Charles and Arthur.

They can always pursue any career they want but I’m here to tell them that if they want to keep their youthful appearance and avoid an ulcer, there are plenty of things they can do that pays the rent.  I have other thoughts, but I have to cut this short as I have a 9:15 meeting I’m not remotely prepared for.  I should have been a garbage man.

Least favorite Child Results

(I have a lot of catching up to do as I missed all of last week after Monday.  I’ll be brief as far as why the won Least Favorite honors each day.

October 6 – LFC is Arthur.  Blew out a diaper while I fed him.

October 7 – LFC is Arthur. Took too much time to finish a bottle.  He has little regard for my schedule.

October 8 – LFC is Charles. 4am wake up.  That’s the wheelhouse of dream sleep.

October 9 – LFC is Charles.  Arthur spent a lot of the day politicking with charming smiles.  Good plan.

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(Arthur: Hey handsome, have you lost weight?)

October 10 – LFC is Arthur. Charles decided to politic as well.  Good plan.

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(Charles: Hey Dad, have I ever told you how much I admire your strong chin?)

October 11 – Charles is LCF.  Neither tried to get on my good side.  Charles needed to be held a lot during the Patriots/Cowboys game.  I had to temper my enthusiasm because you can’t spike a baby even if you’re excited about how well your team is doing.  Very annoying.

Total Days as Least Favorite Child

Charles – 55 Days

Arthur – 50 Days

Tied as Least Favorite – 1 Day

Days Since Neil Patrick Harris Received My Post and Hasn’t Responded – 84

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Happy Monday, Neil!

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