August 26, 2015
As you’re all aware this is a photo of Abraham Lincoln. Known as the Great Emancipator, he was the 16th President of the United States, brought together a nation torn apart, and gave an entire race of people their freedom. His photo was taken thousands of times over his life. You know who’ve had their photo taken more than Lincoln? Arthur and Charles, that’s who.
Here’s a photo of Cheryl Tiegs. She was one of the first ever Supermodels and a fixture on Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Covers for many years. She’s probably had hundreds of thousands of photos taken of her. Maybe even millions! And Charles and Arthur should catch up to her sometime in October.
What I’m getting at is that we have a LOT of photos of these two. I’m not saying they’re not totally adorable, but do they deserve to be captured on film more than the greatest leader in our Nation’s history or the hottest women of the early 80s? A message appeared on my iPhone telling me that I was out of storage space last night. Even my iPhone is telling me I’ve gone too far.
I don’t want to do the “back in my day” thing, but back in my day, we didn’t have iPhones so we didn’t capture every single irrelevant moment. I probably had a couple of hundred photos taken of me in my youth. Thirty five of these were deemed worthy enough to make it into the photo album my parents kept for me. I have one photo of me in the hospital…ONE. The Boys had 547 photos taken of them before they exited Cedar Sinai and we got in the car towards home. When I scroll through the photos I have, I’m not sure if the pictures I’m taking are what one would call, “moments of importance.”
Let’s take a look at some of the ones I just had to have.
Thanks God, I captured thist!! I’m pretty sure I snapped this shot 40 times before I felt I got what I needed. Maybe Charles had to wait an extra minute or two for me to feed him but he’ll be happy later in life that I have this “Weepy Charles Collection” to give him.
(Fun fact: I let myself go on the weekends so that I look like a homeless man.)
Can I be blamed for making sure I got this shot? After all it was Arthur and Charles’ first trip to the Von’s Supermarket. I always regretted that my Mom didn’t get photographic evidence of my first grocery store trip and the wonder in my eyes as I saw all the fantastic fresh produce. The ten minutes spent in the parking lot was completely worth it for this landmark occasion!
And if you can’t get enough of poorly lit photos of me walking the Boys by Subway in their stroller then you’re in luck. I have about 800 of these and all of them feature me dimly lit with little evidence that Charles and Arthur are even present among the dozens of blankets and swaddles around them to keep them warm. I promise though, that’s Arthur’s foot sticking out.
You know who I think would like us to dial it back on the photos? The Boys.
I’m not an expert in body language but this look seems to say, put down the iPhone and pick up a clean diaper, please.
I know I have a problem but what really blows my mind is the time my wife puts into getting photos of them TOGETHER! Arranging a photo with two babies requires Herculean effort and she takes this challenge on daily.
I watched my wife take this photo of Winston and the Boys at the park. It took more time and energy to pull this photo off than the 25 minute beach storming scene at the beginning of Private Ryan.
(Keep moving boys and get the camera out before one of them spits out their binky!!)
I imagine things are going to get a lot more “Spielbergy” in a couple of months when the Boys get more interesting and we phase out of pictures and into videos. We’ve already started. Just last weekend my wife stood over Charles with her video camera trying to get him to recreate his boo boo lip face. I even helped her. In effect, both of us were encouraging him to get really sad so we could get some video of his adorable lower lip. I’ll admit it. We’re monsters.
Yes, I think my sons are very important, but I might be over documenting their lives. If they don’t become President of the United States or win a Nobel Peace Prize then I think I’m going to feel that this gargantuan album I’ve created was much ado about nothing.
Personally, I’m glad I only have a few dozen pictures that mark my life from birth to high school graduation. There are plenty of periods in my life I’m happy weren’t immortalized, specifically my awkward years which started when I was about thirteen and run to present day.
How delighted will Charles and Arthur be knowing we got this picture of them?
Or this one.
I’m beginning to realize that not everything is a picture worthy moment. But the Boys should always be ready for their close up.
Least Favorite Child Results
August 24 and 25 – Charles wins Least Favorite Child easily on both days. Have you ever seen someone halfway through the last leg of a triathlon? They’re mentally and physically exhausted. They’re not even human as they trudge to the finish line wondering, why did I think this was a good idea. This is what my wife looked like both nights when I got home from work. This is what 15 continuous minutes of a crying inconsolable baby will do to a human being trying to calm them down. I caught Arthur glimpsing at his brother at one point with an expression that said, “Chill out. You’re going to break her.
When I see my wife like this, I spend the first hour at home speaking in hushed tones that carry through watching Bachelor In Paradise. I’ll gently whisper to her as she sits in a catatonic state on the couch, “Boy, that Joe sure is an asshole for using Julia that way. I hope he and Samantha get some payback.” It’s tough to balance my outrage at Joe and Samantha with having to be soft spoken, but I’m trying to be a great Dad and Husband so I do what I have to.
Total Days as Least Favorite Child
Arthur – 35 Days
Charles – 35 Days
It’s a tie game!!!
Days Since Neil Patrick Harris Received My Post and Hasn’t Responded – 43
Honestly Neil, I’m at a loss for words.