June 24, 2015

Kaitlyn

I’m not sure whether Arthur and Charles don’t care if they ruin my TV Viewing experience or if the reason I’m not allowed to watch my stories in peace is because they’re totally wrapped up in them.  They share my blood so it’s entirely possible that it’s the latter. And it would be easily explained while we watched the Bachelorette the other night.  Emotions ran high on the show and just as high with the Boys.

The episode started where it left off last week, with Ian telling Kaitlyn that he thinks she’s a surface level person who just came on the show to make out with a bunch of dudes.  Clearly Ian hasn’t watched past seasons of the show he’s on.  The Boys seemed fine with this until Ian explained that he was a person of great depth and didn’t want to hang around a house with a bunch of guys taking about farting.  This was way too much for Arthur to process.  Farting is his “thing” and when he heard Ian talking disparagingly about it, he lost it, leading to a five minute crying jag forcing me to walk around the room rocking him, trying to calm him down.  Meanwhile Charles watched this scene, grimaced and farted.  Take that, Ian!

Of course right after this happened Nick went to check on Kaitlyn and make sure she was OK.  He assured her that he was on the show for the same reason that she was and that he loves that she’s into movie quotes and dumb jokes.  That was Charles’ cue to lose it and sob uncontrollably.  Charles hates Nick and sees right through him.  I placated his sad outburst by sticking a bottle in his mouth. You’re going to make my child fat, Nick.  Is Kaitlyn really worth it?

The Boys seemed intrigued when the gang moved the romantic journey to Ireland.  But that intrigue turned to angst for Arthur when Kaitlyn chose Nick for the One on One Date.  Arthur is hip to Nick as well and he shows it by being extremely fussy which leads to a cry, which eventually brings on a full blown screaming fit.  His hatred of Nick is so strong that he wont take a bottle in his mouth, his swing or bassinet won’t calm him down, nor will walking and rocking him around the house.  He just needs to feel this way for a while and hope that Kaitlyn sees through or he leaves her for hot Leprechaun.

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But nothing could have prepared Charles for what would happen at the end of the date,  Kaitlyn asked Nick up to her suite and into her bedroom.  Charles shit himself!  That’s pretty much the biggest statement of shock a person can make.  The moment shook him so hard that I had to take him into another room and change his diaper.  When he realized that I had failed to press pause and we had missed all the kissing and grunting noises that were close captioned behind the bedroom door Charles openly wept.  I totally get it.  Big mistake on my part.

Totally disgusted, the Boys spent the rest of the episode with their back turned to the show, needing constant pats on the back and occasionally spitting up when the guys delivered a eulogy for Kaitlyn at an Irish Wake.  Even Arthur and Charles realized that this attempt at a lighthearted and fun moment would be ruined by at least one guy who took things a little too seriously and sure enough the whole thing hit too close to home for Ben Z. who lost his mother at a young age.  Thanks for bringing us down, Ben Z.

Although it’s harder for me to watch these shows because of them, I admire that the boys can get so into these shows that they weep, spit up and even mess their themselves.  And any show that can produce that type of reaction is clearly bringing something to the table.  Big Brother starts tonight and the Boys and I can’t wait! I have extra diapers on standby.

Fun Fact: My house is beginning to look like the steam room at the YMCA!

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Least Favorite Child Results

June 22 – Least Favorite goes to Charles.  He weighed 12 ounces more than Arthur at their checkup. No one likes a glutton.  If I were him I would be concerned that my body fat percentage was 100%.

June 23 – Least Favorite was Arthur.  He always puts up a fight when my wife tries to breast feed him.  She even gives him the better breast to work with.  Oddly, it’s the same breast that I’ve always secretly favored as well.  At any rate, he made my wife unhappy and we know how the ripple effect works.

Total Days as least Favorite Child

Arthur – 11 Days

Charles – 7 Days

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